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Randal Rauser

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Donald Trump declares his power over the past, can prevent Russia from entering Ukraine

August 1, 2016 by Randal

Donald Trump continues to dazzle the world with his geopolitical acumen and extraordinary metaphysical powers. It all began on Sunday when Trump said that Putin is “not going into Ukraine.” George Stephanopoulos replied by pointing out that Russia is already in Ukraine:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXucpaDPoSA

Alas, Mr. Stephanopoulos’ response suggests the cynical assumption that Mr. Trump was ignorant of the fact that Russia was already in Ukraine. Clearly that is impossible since Mr. Trump consults himself on geopolitical matters, and since he has a “very good brain” he would obviously have informed himself of the fact that Russia had troops on the ground in Ukraine.

So if it is impossible that Trump could have glaring ignorance just what was Mr. Trump saying? Fortunately he explained this morning in a tweet:

Trump

In this tweet, Mr. Trump explains that if he becomes president, he will causally effect the past to ensure that Putin never entered Ukraine in the first place. Admittedly, some in the cynical lamestream media may doubt Mr. Trump’s ability to change the past (I’m looking at you, George Stephanopoulos). In reply, I would suggest those cynics remember that Mr. Trump only makes such extraordinary declarations after consulting his “very good brain.” And very good brains don’t make mistakes.

Unlike Hillary Clinton with her impotence to change the past, Mr. Trump has the real power to make America great again. Perhaps after changing the geopolitical recent past of Ukraine, he can also use that power for other noble tasks, like making Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice into a good movie.  

Filed Under: The Tentative Apologist Tagged With: Donald Trump, satire

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