AP (Toronto) – Further court documents were released by Toronto police Thursday outlining a series of new charges against Toronto’s embattled mayor Rob Ford. According to the report several staffers recounted hearing Ford say he “hates Christmas” on several occasions. In one incident he told a child named Virginia that there isn’t a Santa Claus, but there will be a lump of coal in her stocking on Christmas morning. Ford then laughed as Virginia wept.
The report also provides documentation for the following charges:
Ford has been acting as head of the Payola Mexican Drug Cartel since 2011.
Ford let the air out of a Hello Kitty balloon at the Thanksgiving Day parade.
Ford said “Only wimps drive Chevys” at a Canada Day picnic.
Ford orchestrated the 2008 stock market crash and the 2002 SARS outbreak.
A staffer found a Backstreet Boys CD in Ford’s desk drawer.
Shortly after the damning report was released, Ford spoke to reporters. “I have a few more coat hangers in my closet,” he stammered. “But all I can do is apologize and move on.”
Ford has vowed to stay.