Who hasn’t sat through a critically acclaimed but painfully boring or otherwise unpleasant film simply because (a) it is supposed to be good and (b) you already paid your money to see it? Two nights ago my wife and I paid for a 48 hour rental on our PVR. The film was critically acclaimed, had subtitles, and was made in Europe. A sure winner, right?
Fifteen minutes in my wife decided to cut her losses. I too was getting very sleepy but resolved to watch the rest. And so I completed the task this morning. But to what end? I just lost two hours of my life. The pacing was so slow it makes the creep of a glacier look like cascading flood waters.
So after the first hour I turned off the sound (I could read the subtitles anyway) and I wrote a song with my guitar. Here it is:
This Movie Goes On (and On and On…)
Chorus
This movie goes on and on and on (2x)
Pushing stop is the cure but I paid my money so I’ll endure
This movie goes on and on and on
Verse 1
This movie won ten academy awards
But what do I care if I’m bored?
Why do I pay money to rent something that feels like punishment?
This movie goes on and on and on
Verse 2
I know that the themes are profound
Allusions and symbols all abound
The dialogue is the best so why’s my patience met its test?
This movie goes on and on and on
At least now I know what to do the next time I find myself watching a film like this. I’ll turn the volume off and write more verses.
